Lissy Wellbutrin's Journal

7:20am: Yesterday calorie count:
1 Red Bull - 110 calories
Total: 110 calories

This morning:
Mom: Lis, have you been eating?
Me: Yes.
Mom: What?
Me: A lot. Lunch and dinner, why?
Mom: You just seem really really weak.
Me: It's just the schedule. I'm not used to it yet.
Dad: You seem to have this glamourized perception of people who don't eat.
Me: No, I don't.
Dad: You seem to think this affliction is glamorous.
Me: What are you talking about? No I don't. I gotta go. :*picks up the keys and leaves*:

The truth is...I'm sooooooo weak. Not hungry at all though. No, I haven't eaten. Not in 30 something hours. I've had a Red Bull and water and that's it. But no, it's not because I think "this affliction is glamorous".

1. I want to lose weight.
2. I feel a constant need to diet.
3. This fucking concerta completely takes away my appetite.

So let's see here. If you didn't put me on this fucking ADHD medication...maybe I wouldn't be like this. But you did. So don't you dare get angry at me for this.

I hate my parents for that. When they're worried, they get angry. They don't try to confront me gently. They make me feel like shite and they sneak behind my back and go through my stuff and such. And then they don't talk to me about it, they don't bring it up until we're with my shrink and they put me on the spot and make me very scared. I hate when they do that! Why do they do this to me? I wish they'd just leave me alone!

3:06pm: I'm losing weight! Yah, I cheated...I checked the scale...but I thought I was gonna be all disappointed and that it'd say 122...because I drank HECKA water today and that makes you gain a bit...but NO! It said 120! 120! WITH water! I'm back! I'm back at 120! I'm so happy! 90 here I come!

8:46am: P.S.

I love Jaq verra verra much and plan to write her a big long email at lunch today...if I have time...if I finish my algebra by then...shite...algebra...bah.

8:37am: Already tossed out my lunch. Actually I threw it in the middle of the hallway and waited for someone to waltz by and pick it up...Ms. Bessemer picked it up and threw it away.

I feel horrible about yesterday's binge. I was doing so well. The Concerta is what deminishes my appetite though. I skipped it yesterday. Took it again today and I'm not hungry anymore. But I just feel incredibly fat. I'm looking at my wrists...my pretty little bony wrists...wishing they were more bony.

I have a quiz today...on vocabulary for Human Anatomy. I'd better study. This class will be great fun. We studied the major bones yesterday, which was REALLY triggering. Like...the collarbone and the shoulderblades just made me...yearn for thinness.

Had rehearsal for INSAB last night. I felt lonely. I dunno why. Not even half the show is blocked, though...and preview night is in about a week.

I'm not going out with all the choir kids this morning. I feel sort of detatched. I'm not liking it much. Class starts in like 5 minutes. Sigh.

Sigh sigh sigh.

9:46pm: Lis...Lis listen to me...Lis! NOW! Fucking listen to me!

:*slaps herself*:

Okay. This was a PRODUCTIVE METABOLISM-BOOSTING binge. Start over tomorrow. Do not get depressed, please Lis don't get depressed, please...pretty please...don't do this...please...help me...someone help me...

3:23pm: Binge. Depressed. Disgusting.

8:34pm: i might be directing "school house rock" at notre dame. how crazy is that?!?

8:31pm: i might be directing "school house rock" at notre dame. how crazy is that?!?

8:26pm: Snapie is trying to eat my avocado/oatmeal mask that i bought.

Ha! I have more food on my face than in my stomach!

7:59pm: Sleepy. Verra...verra...:*yawn*:..sleepy.

7:51pm: Schoooooooooool.

So I got up this morning at 5:45 AM after a night of HORRIBLE sleep. Another side effect of the fucking medication. But anway, I hopped into the shower and then got dressed and put on all the makeup I layed out for myself. And then the DJ's on 107.9 were talking about the VMA's and how they'd missed them, so they had people call in. I called in. Told them all about it. Then I drove to school at 6:35 AM and heard myself on the radio for like 5 minutes...which was weird.

I got there only to discover ANOTHER bad trend. Last year, EVERYONE was wearing plaid. This year everyone was wearing plaid, rugby shirts, or those stupid peasant hippie tops. Whatever.

But then I saw Jeremy and Adam and Amber and that made me happy. We walked around the school finding our lockers. It was great fun...except for the fact that I have to kneel. Bah to the sucky lockers.

Okay...first period. History. The teacher fucking sucks. Mr. Goodsell I think his name is. He is soooooooo boring and he thinks he's funny and he's really not. And I just sat there, staring at the fucking clock. Bah.

Second period. Human anatomy with Mrs. Williams. I think I'm going to like her. Plus, it's a topic I'm interested AND a senior class so yah. She was probably the coolest of my teachers. Besides Mr. B. I have this class with Andrea and Chad crom choir, so that's enjoyable.

Third period. English. With...Miss McQuitty or something. I have this class with Jimmy, Sarah Hill, and Mary Mac. This class will suck royally. She was talking about sexual harrassment for awhile...and Jimmy got pissed off because of her definition of it. I was pissed off because it's a tiny classroom with a HUGE class size made up of a bunch of idiots who don't know what the fuck they're doing. And it's made up of all the people who've made fun of me for the past three years.

LUUUNCH! Adam and I both don't eat lunch...so we went on a mission to find me water and to make fun of all the idiots at the school.

"Where did all the raver kids go? Last year there were a whole bunch of raver kids!"
"They were probably all Kim's friends..."
"Oh...yah. That makes sense."

So Adam is my homie now. Hell yah.

Fourthy period. Algebra II. Mr. Rodriguez. He is the BIGGEST flamer I've EVER seen. He writes his name with little stars and squigglies by it. Too bad he is a freaking NAZI. After Barsotti last year, he gives us LOADS of work. He actually checks the homework too. Geez louise...I'm dead. Anyway...I have Sarah Hill in that class too and we played with yarn. Great fun...not really...but whatever.

5th period. Choir. With ALLLLLL the harbor kids. We barely sang. It went by pretty quickly though. It was pretty fun...hanging out with my beloved Ah-bur and J.

6th period. French. Miss Lindburgh. Sucked. It's full of fucking freshman...ahhh! The best part was choosing our French names. I chose Judith (pronounced Shoodit) after Judith Funny from "Doug". Yerp.

Theeeeen it was Sylvan Singers. I went and immediatly felt like I was going to pass out. Understandable since I hadn't eaten for about 24 hours. But Courtney and I talked a bit...

"I'm not anorexic. I just overexercise. There's a difference."

Yah, Courtney. That disease is called Anorexia Athletica. It's pretty much the same thing!!!

Okay...anyway...that was okay. We learned a few songs. Sang. Played with my light-up pen. Great joy. Great joy.

Jimmy and I actually had a few decent conversations today. I think we get along better in a school environment.

Gave Jimmy and Jeremy a ride down to Jimmy's car...where Jimmy and I nagged each other for not being in honors classes. We both regret not being in them...because college prep is shit. Teachers are all "College preeeep...oooooh college prep...". Big fucking deal. It means absolutly nothing.

Calorie Count:
1/2 cup of Kashi Go Lean Crunch - 120 calories
Total: 120 calories.

And I'm not even hungry. Gee this school dieting thing is eaaaaasy.

8:38pm: I was 124 this morning.
I'm 122 right now.
Not weighing again till Saturday.

Calorie count:
5 inch subway sandwich (turkey w/ cheese) approx. 280

And that's it. That's all I've eaten. That's all I've WANTED to eat. Why am I not pleased? I dunno. I need the euphoria of being a lower weight. Must get to lower weight.

Tired. Sorta. Retainer...where is it? Must be fucking pretty!

3:48pm: I started on my concerta AND wellbutrin today, and I'm getting really odd side effects. I can't eat at all...I feel REALLY really sick...and dizzy...not good. I need to get a new razor and some facewash and...yah. But I dun wanna ask my dad for money. I think I might have my mother take me and buy me stuff.

CONCERTA (Methylphenidate HCI)

Used to treat: attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder

Action: central nervous system stimulant

Side effects
? abdominal pain
? aggravation reaction
? drug dependence
? dizziness (have this)
? headache
? hostility (i'm in a BAD mood)
? increase in tics
? insomnia (i should hope not...we'll see...shite)
? loss of appetite (have this)
? more coughing
? nervousness
? prolonged sleepiness (have this)
? sadness (sorta have this)
? sinusitis
? twitching (i got the shakes)
? upper respiratory tract infection
? vomiting (i'm about to have this...bah)


Wellbutrin...

More common side effects may include:

Abdominal pain
agitation (yerp...i'm mad)
anxiety
constipation,
dizziness, (have this)
dry mouth, (have this)
excessive sweating,
headache,
loss of appetite (have this)
nausea, (have this)
palpitations
vomiting,
skin rash,
sleep disturbances, (kinda sorta)
sore throat ,
tremor

Other side effects may include:
Acne
allergic reactions
bed-wetting
blisters in the mouth and eyes
blurred vision
breathing difficulty
chest pain (have this)
chills
complete or almost complete loss of movement
confusion
dry skin (have this)
episodes of over-activity
elation, or irritability, ((yup alla that))
extreme calmness, (i'm really calm.)
fatigue, (yup)
fever, (haven't checked)
fluid retention (...i dunno?)
flu-like symptoms (yah, actually)
gum irritation and inflammation
hair color changes (haha...that's weird)
hair loss
hives
impotence (ha...erin...lol..."rigid"...lol)
incoordination and clumsiness (yerp)
indigestion
itching
increased libido (heck no. i have no horniness at all)
menstrual complaints (um...considering it's lasted 9 days so far, yes)
mood instability (bah)
muscle rigidity (i pulled a muscle...two days ago)
painful ejaculation (I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!)
painful erection (see above)
retarded ejaculation (penis on the short bus? what?)
ringing in the ears (a lot of this)
sexual dysfunction (how should i know?)
suicidal ideation (isn't the med supposed to get RID of this?)
thirst disturbances (YAH!)
toothache
urinary disturbances
weight gain or loss (Yes...loss...thank god.)

12:09pm:

me? controversial? find out @ snowcanwait.org

((kay...whatever))

Wait...why the hell is Mmm Bop on the radio? Hanson? What? I really don't understand...



Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Book Worm Meter for Lissy

Shut In 71% . . 29% Out Of The House Intellectual 95% . . 5% Moron High Attention Span 95% . . 5% Low Attention Span Bookitude 96% . . 4% Book Burner Book Worm 89.25% . . 10.75% Bug Stomper

Take your bookworm readings.

My College Is:

Wellbutrin College Students at Wellbutrin College are very studious. The average student has sex 10 times a month. 40% of freshmen are slaves. Booze is the drug of choice. The average GPA is 3

Enroll

See which Greek Goddess you are.

((I loooove you Artemis!!!))

My Romance Meter

Optimist 50% . . 50% Cynic Close 14% . . 86% Distant Long Term 17% . . 83% Brief

What does my romance meter read?

10:45am: LOOKIE LOOKIE! HOW COOL!

LiveJournal Trading Cards Free Account Edition lissywellbutrin User Number: 649703 Date Created:2002-07-30 Number of Posts: 104 Random and angsty, Lissy Wellbutrin loves her meds. She is just beginning to come to terms the consequences that result from many of her rash and abrupt actions, and is having difficulty stabling herself. Strengths: Good with words, wit, taps into emotions easily, problem solving, conflict resolution, improvisation, pretending, humor, randomness, creativity Weaknesses: Low self-esteem, shy, paranoid, compares self to others, bad body image, obsessive, fear of adults, not very good with first impressions, submissive in friendships, perfectionism Special Skills: Very creative, Lissy Wellbutrin prefers to express her emotions in an artistic way. Weapons: Quick wit, paintbrush, her super light-flashing pen, pencil, the handy dandy notebook, the waterbra Sidekicks: Snapie Bip, Lissy's baby and best friend, is often seen with her.

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10:05am: </td>

If I had lived 2500 years ago, I would have been... a Greek! Ancient Greece, known as the birthplace of Western civilization, was home to some of the world's greatest thinkers and began customs that we still follow today. You are curious and are always willing to learn. Your wise and calm manner have helped to sort many arguments out and leave both sides content. ~ TAZL.com ~ Take Quiz ~

I love greek so I just had to post it, but I really got egyptian.

~ Take the Quiz at <a href="http://www.tazl.com/>TAZL.com</a> ~<p>

9:33am:
Which Winona Are You?

Me? Jo? Er...okie. If you SAY so.

11:53am: Lis is tired.
Lis went to bed at 6 AM two nights in a row, and got up at 8 AM two mornings in a row.

Had two talks with Jimmy last night. The first one sucked ass. The other one was good. And I can now be comfortable with Jimmy being mad at me and I can just let him alone. I've been stalking him for the past two months. No more of that.

The night before last, Sarah, Ashley, Erin, and I hung out. We got high off of wellbutrin...lol. Great fun. And we had many long talks and we made brownies and had pizza and Sarah and I rode in the back of Erin's truck.

And then I came home at 9 and slept from 11 to 12 before getting ready to go to Erin (Duffy's) party. Which was also very fun. Until Jimmy got there and we had drama, which is finally RESOLVED! YES! I can stop thinking about it!

And then there was this guy Justin, who is one of Erin's friends and he apparently really likes me, even though I'm not really attracted to him. But...yah. Weird.

And Jazon and Alyssa were out talking for two hours, and everyone thought they were doing more than talking (which they weren't)...and it was funny. And then Alyssa and I were playing girlfriends all night because we are lovers...lol. And there was the big "orgy of love" on the floor"...where everyone was using me as a pillow and it branched off into a big tree. Many good quotes came from that.

"Lis, your hipbones are sticking way out! They stick out like...a white person in a crowd of black people. Or a Lis in a crowd of Aubins!" - Megan

"I feel like...making out with a person like Edwin"- Me
"Cambria's middle name is Edwin..." -Megan
"Then I'll just have to make out with Cambria's middle...whoah!" - Me

2:35pm:

Stop picking on Moby, Em!

1:25pm: I found Irena today! I found her! Even when I was on my meds! I still found her and I was crying and I didn't try to cry (cuz that's bad)...I just cried...

It felt good.
It felt good but very very sad.
Because I felt the pain.
I felt the yearning she had for her daughter.
I felt the affection she had for Raja. And how she DIDN'T want her to grow up. How she wanted to protect her.
And I was just saying my monologue, crying...I couldn't help it...because it was so...so...sad.

10:22am: So I started eating chips and salsa...but that didn't feel right...so I ate some kashi with banana. I love that combination.

So I guess I'm eating a "normal" breakfast.

I feel pudgy. This means I should go to the gym. The gym is not a pudgy place.

10:00am: I'm eating for two days because I pretty much have to.
I have a sleepover tonight and a party tomorrow.
And it's really hard. Just thinking about...breaking this.
I really don't like being around people anymore...
Because people make me want to eat...
So I do...

I dropped another pound. I'll probably gain it back during these next two days...

Gawd, this makes me depressed, knowing I have to eat.

Wow, wellbutrin really does make me more...disordered.

9:19am: YAY! I lost another pound! 122 this morning! Whoohoo! I'm so happy...

Today...my diet is tweaked just a bit.
I'm eating dry Go Lean Kashi instead of Go Lean Crunch for breakfast. A half cup - 80 cals. Then for lunch I'll prolly have...mmmmm...an apple or something. That would be another 80 cals. And for dinner...I'll spoil myself with Go Lean Crunch...which is 180 cals or something.

Which is...no that bad. If I keep dieting effectively, I could get to 115 by school. Or not. Shut up Lis. But at least the teens. That's where I want to be...the teeeens.

New rule...no eating after 5 PM

8:32pm:

Hark. It is Lis, the model.

7:39pm: Had to eat some more. Another 1/2 cup of kashi and 1/2 a banana for my parents' watchful eye. I then forced my dad to take me to the pool, where I swam laps for a 1/2 hour.

Surprisingly...I haven't gotten 1 flame for the whole multiple community "rant" I did about the "lifestyle" issue. I've gotten many people who actually AGREE with me. I'm like...daaaaamn. That feels good.

Jaq, my love. I so wish I had listened to your warnings. I really really do. I don't know what I'm gonna do about this anymore. :(

BAH! Jaq, get online! I need yooooou!